Thursday, November 28, 2013

5 Ways to Sneak Out of Your Thanksgiving Dinner to Check Your Fantasy Football Team

Thanksgiving is the holiday of, well, giving thanks... that is thanks to the fantasy football gods for blessing you with the good fortune of drafting Jamaal Charles with the fifth overall pick.  These same gods demand that you check your fantasy football team in order to pay homage to them, as the only thing sweeter than that delicious cranberry sauce would be another successful fantasy football week.

Go To The Bathroom - You just ate two full pounds of turkey, so I can't believe that anyone would take a second look at you when you say that you have to go to the bathroom.  When people ask why you where in the bathroom for fifteen minutes, simply reply, "I guess I ate more turkey than I thought." Flawless.

You're Feeling Sick - Its perfectly reasonable that you might feel sick during a holiday that is purely dedicated to eating.  This plan adds a bit of time versatility that you don't get with the previous option... just make sure you're feeling better before dessert.  The fantasy football gods will surely understand if you have to take a short leave from your duties to grab some apple pie.

Take a Nap - Understandably, you're probably a bit tired after all the holiday processions, so just join in on a little nap with your five year old niece and nephew.  Don't tell anybody, but you're not actually sleeping.  With the TV on mute and your computer on the live fantasycast, you're screwed if anybody walks in, but the reward is worth the risk.

Spill Water on Your Shirt - You could go all out and "accidentally" pour some gravy on your shirt, but unless you're willing to throw away a perfectly good shirt, water is probably the best option.  This move will surely buy you a couple minutes, just make sure that you do actually change your shirt, otherwise you're going to have an awkward reception on returning to the dining room.

The Walk of No Shame - If all else fails, there is no shame in simply walking out of the room with no explanation.  Let the others decide why you had to take an intermission from Thanksgiving dinner. When making your escape, all eyes are going to be placed on you, but don't be fazed, continue on walking unashamedly towards the doorway.  Once out of the room feel free to celebrate with a quick fist pump or look towards the heavens... You're free.

No comments:

Post a Comment